Day 8: Zombies Again!

Project for November 8, 2013

I have had trouble catching up from publishing my backlog of posts, so I'm going to try and post two a day for the next several days in order to catch up.

I had so much fun with zombies last time that I decided to try another episode. Again, take this with a grain of salt and snark in which it was hastily written. But I hope you have as much fun reading as I did writing.

I hope you enjoy.

And remember to live orange!

RALEIGH: Okay, fine, I admit it: there are zombies.  But how many are there?  You guys obviously aren’t zombies, and according to what Bella said the change is relatively quick.

BELLA: There’s only one way to find out. Main Street is right around the corner.

RALEIGH: Lead on.

MIKEY: DUDE!  Everybody here is a zombie!

RALEIGH: Whoa, genius, (pulls MIKEY back so he won’t walk into the middle of them). We need to set a few ground rules first, before we just go out there.  Don’t let them touch you.  We need to make sure that this stuff isn’t spread by contact.

BEN: What if it’s viral through the air?

RALEIGH: You ask that now?

BELLA: If that’s the case we’re all screwed.

RALEIGH: No duh! Look, lets just focus on the essentials.  If this is a zombie apocalypse, then we need to start thinking about survival.

MIKEY:  Dude, I left my Zombie Survival Guide in my backpack.  Want me to go get it?

BELLA: It had to be you two that didn’t become zombies.

RALEIGH: Hate to say this, Bella, but that may not be all bad.  

BEN: Mikey, just go into Shawn of the Dead mode.  If they didn’t allow it in the movie, don’t do it here.

MIKEY: Right.

RALEIGH: Okay, the grocery store’s over there.  We need to get stuff that won’t spoil.  No milk, eggs, anything that won’t keep!

BEN: We should get Twinkies.

BELLA: Yeah, cause that’s going to help us survive many years in good health.

BEN: What? They have a shelf life of 50 years!

BELLA: That makes me feel even better about them.

RALEIGH: Look, we may need some sugar supplies at some point for energy, but make sure you guys grab some vitamins too.  And seriously, they don’t seem to get upset unless you talk to them personally, so no conversations.  Also, no quick movements.  Al didn’t try to come after me more aggressively until I ran.  So just act casual.

BELLA: Act casual.  Right.  In a zombie apocalypse.

MIKEY: Righteous, dudes.  Lets go.

BELLA:  Although, come to think of it, Mikey will probably fit right in.

RALEIGH: Be nice… for now anyway. 

(ALL walk slowly and cautiously forward)

RALEIGH: Everybody grab a shopping cart. (sound of shopping carts rolling around).  Okay, single file, slowly, go through the aisles and get stuff.  One shopping cart each, only.  We don’t want to get more than we can run away with.

BEN: Right.

MIKEY: Dude! I left my wallet at home!  And I forgot to deposit my pay check!  

BELLA: Don’t worry about it, I got us covered.

MIKEY: Sweet.

BELLA: See what I was talking about?

RALEIGH: Look, give it a rest.  Just concentrate on what we’ve got to do now.

BELLA: These canned fruits and veggies should be of use.

RALEIGH: Yeah, lets get a lot.  And take all the dried beef you can fit.  Try to get pop tops on cans first, before we have to resort to the ones that need can openers.

MIKEY:  Dude!  Marshmallows!  Those don’t rot!  I mean they rot your teeth, but they don’t rot themselves.

RALEIGH: Mikey, put a cork in it.  Come on, lets hurry up.  I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this.

BEN: (quietly) Hey, there’s a zombie over there!

RALEIGH: Just keep going, don’t do anything rash and they won’t come after us.

BEN: (nervously) She’s looking at us.

RALEIGH: (quietly but authoritatively) Stay calm.

BEN: What if she comes over?

BELLA: (quietly but angrily) Shut up and pull it together, Benton!

MIKEY: Dude! Candy corn!  This place is awesome!

BELLA: This is a nightmare.

RALEIGH: Just keep going.

BEN: There’s more over there in the fresh fruit section.

RALEIGH: Just come on, Ben. Concentrate.  We need these supplies.

BEN: But what if they – AAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!  She’s coming over!  I can’t do this! I can’t do this!

RALEIGH: Ben! No!

BELLA: Oh man, we gotta go!

MIKEY: Dude, what’s the big guy running for?

RALEIGH: Never mind, just keep grabbing stuff and lets go!  They’re starting to realize we aren’t one of them. (sound of filling carts faster with zombies starting to groan)

BELLA: Do we really need dishwasher detergent, Mikey?

MIKEY: Dude, I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to eat off dirty dishes.

BELLA: Seriously?

RALEIGH: Come on.  Just put stuff in the cart and lets go!  They’re starting to come after us now!

BELLA: I know, I – (short scream) 

RALEIGH: Move!  Don’t let ‘em touch you!

BELLA: Too late! (Bella makes sounds like she’s trying to get away)  They won’t let go!

RALEIGH: Mikey!  Hand me that cake mix and get a bottle of canola oil!

BELLA: What are you doing?!?

MIKEY: Go long, Dude!

RALEIGH: Got it! Close your eyes, Bella! I’ve got a cake bomb! (Poof sound as cake mix flies out) Bella, run!  Take what you’ve got, find Ben and get back to the shop!  

BELLA: What about you?!

RALEIGH: I’ll be okay.  Mikey and I will finish the shopping.

BELLA: Are you sure>

RALEIGH: Just get outta here! 

(Sound of Bella running off with the cart)

RALEIGH: Mikey, lets go!  Get a bunch of flour and cake mixes.

MIKEY: Can we get chocolate? I don’t really like Vanilla.  Or Strawberry is cool too.\

RALEIGH: I don’t care if it’s cherry with tire rubber!  Get some!

MIKEY: Right.

RALEIGH: Now come on, I have an idea, but we’ll need some milk.  (SFX running)  I’ll get what we need, can you distract them?

MIKEY:  I guess.  Yo dudes!  Your momma’s so slow when she got walk to the mailbox on Valentines Day, they said it was the “Cupid Shuffle”!

RALEIGH: Mikey, yo momma jokes aren’t necessarily… work?  Good lord, I can’t believe they fell for that.  Now, to get milk and dough.

MIKEY: (Sound of fabric ripping) Hey man!  That’s not cool!  This is my favorite t-shirt.  Besides my Battlestar Galactica one, and my Start Trek IV: Voyage Home one, and my Tigger one.

RALEIGH: Mikey, you need to get out of there, don’t let them gang up on you!  Circle back here!

MIKEY:  What’s the plan now, dude?

RALEIGH: I’m working on one. (waits a beat) See the alcove over there?  The carts will be safe, but we don’t want them getting a hold of them or trapping us.  Shove the carts down there and then follow me.

(They both shove the carts down the aisle and run) 

RALEIGH: Come on! 

MIKEY: Dude, we’re going in the freezer?

RALEIGH: It’s a long shot, but I’m hoping there’s a bit of truth to the movies.  Lets go leave the door open behind you and push your way through as fast as you can.

(SFX of them pushing through things and a freezer sound)

MIKEY: Sweetness, Dude!  I knew they had some more Chunky Monkey!

RALEIGH: Mikey, there’s a zombie behind you.

MIKEY: Roger, Dude, pickin’ up speed. (moves a lot faster, knocking through bags of frozen foods)

RALEIGH: Whoah!  You’re moving double time!  Since you’re in front now, get out at this door to your right.

MIKEY: Rockin’ it. (SFX: sound of Mikey jumping down)  Lemme give you a hand, dude.

RALEIGH: Thanks. I – Hey! (SFX zombie groan) Shut the door quick! 

(SFX zombie groan and face sliding down glass)

MIKEY: (SFX sticks tongue out) See if you can beat that, bro!

(SFX zombie groan, tongue sticking out)

MIKEY: Check it out, Dude!  He’s got his tongue stuck to the door!

RALEIGH: Wow.  Come on, we’ve only got a little more time before they figure it out.

MIKEY: No, I think we’re good here, dude.  Check it.  They’re all trying to get in the freezer now.

RALEIGH: Man, they really are stupid.  Lets get the carts.  How’d you move so fast through the freezer veggie bags?

MIKEY: Oh, that.  Yeah, I like work at Chuckey Cheeses on the weekends.  They send me in for kids who don’t want to come out of the ball pit.  Pretty much the only thing to do is to move through them like that so you can find all the kids who don’t want to come out.  I got really good when the ball truck came through one day and accidentally filled it up to the top.  We had several kids in there so I had to go all special ops and swim down to the bottom to get them. Takes a while some days.  I wonder if I’ll still have to work this weekend?

RALEIGH: Don’t think it will matter much.

(SFX running and moving carts quikly.  Grocery store doors open and they stop)

RALEIGH: Uh oh.

MIKEY: Totally a zombie army, bro.

RALEIGH: Mikey.

MIKEY: Sup dude?

RALEIGH: I’m not your bro.

MIKEY: Oh right!  You’re a bro-ette!

RALEIGH: (sighs) And second, RUN!

(The music comes up and sounds of carts flying and zombies groaning fades out)